Shooting reopens wounds for Gold Star families Posted On: Friday, Nov. 6 2009 05:07 AM By Hailey Persinger
Killeen Daily Herald

FORT HOOD – When a television anchor announced that at least seven people had been killed at Fort Hood on Thursday, Melissa McGinnis turned to her sister.

"At least," she said, her head shaking, her eyes wide in disbelief. "How can they just say it like that?"

The two girls, along with 31 others, sat just a few miles across post from the site where officials say Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan unloaded more than 40 rounds of ammunition from two handguns, killing 13 and wounding 30 more before he was wounded.

The group met at the Survivor Outreach Services building Thursday afternoon for a trip to the post's flight simulators – a trip that was canceled when officials put Fort Hood on lockdown for more than five hours. Instead, the group of Gold Star family members – mothers, fathers, siblings and children of fallen soldiers – watched the scene unfold as memories of their own losses came flooding back.

"They think it's easy," McGinnis said, referring to the experience of hearing the knock at the door or the ring of the phone from military officials with news of a loved one's death. "But it's hard for the families. They just say it like it's so easy."

While some in the Gold Star family experienced their losses years ago, hearing the death toll, which seemed to rise hourly from seven to nine and finally to 13, reopened wounds. A new pain, however, settled in the heart of Beverley Clark.

As she stood outside a room full of people with eyes fixed on the TV screen, thoughts of the families and countless friends affected by Thursday's shooting began to tug on her heart.

"I get upset," she said, her eyes filling with tears. "Because that's going to be another 12 families devastated. Just devastated."

Together in grief

That initial devastation is what binds Gold Star families. These men, women and children support each other through the months of shock and grief of losing a loved one. Even after the heart wrenching, tear-jerking pain gives way to the ache of acceptance, the families stay together, waiting with open hearts to support those who will inevitably experience the same type of loss.

"It's a different perspective you have about this," said Doug Duerksen, a support coordinator for the program and Gold Star father who lost his daughter. He looked back at his desk at a framed drawing of her in front of an American flag and continued. "Our reaction is 'that's a family. There's a family that's going to get a visit. There's a family that's going to get a call.'"

The Gold Star program is ready for those families, he said. Ready to accept them, ready to love them and ready to help them heal. Sarah Hester, a former soldier whose husband was killed during a deployment to Iraq three years ago, said that though her own pain has receded, she aches for her new Gold Star family members.

"It makes you think of when they first knock on your door," she said. "And it's heartbreaking to know that we will see them here."

So they wait. The people who have recovered from devastating loss wait to support and walk through the grieving process with families of the 12 soldiers who were killed Thursday afternoon.

"We're a family," Duerksen said. "None of us wanted to be in this family but we're here."

Contact Hailey Persinger at haileyp@kdhnews.com or (254) 501-7568.